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Notes on Confession and Forgiveness

from the Spiritual Fellowship Retreat 2011 at Sugarcreek, Ohio with members of
St. John Lutheran Church, Massillon OH
Resurrection Lutheran Church, Malvern OH
St. Mark Lutheran Church, Steubenville OH
Christ the King Lutheran Church, Lodi OH


Retreat Opening Devotion

Pastor John Telloni, Saint John Lutheran Church, Massillon

Retreat Part 1:  Confession and Forgiveness

Pastor Chris Cahill, Christ the King Lutheran Church, Lodi
Confession and forgiveness

                  We usually start with What does confession look like?
                                Orally - what needs to be said?
                                Physically - what actions are expected?
                                Socially - how do others respond?

                  We might be better off starting with:  What does forgiveness look like?
                                  See Miroslav Volf, Exclusion and Embrace
                                  See also Martin Luther, Smalcald Articles


Part I:  The grace of forgiveness looks like embrace (after Volf)

The pattern of embrace
Step One:  Opening arms.  When I open my arms to another,
                  I show I do not want to exclude them from my life 
                  I show that I desire to embrace them
                  I create space for them to enter
                  I create an opening in my life for them to enter
                  I send an invitation                            
                  If I do this gently, it is like a soft knock on the other's door

Step Two:  Waiting arms.  After I've opened my arms, I wait.
                  For me, waiting includes
                  Opening = Movement toward the other
                  Halting at the other's boundary
                  Postponed desire
                  Power of waiting
                             My Created Space
                                                My opened boundary
                                                My signaled desire
                                                Respect for the integrity of the other person
                                                Risks to me
                                                                Non-acceptance
                                                                Rejection
                  Risks to the other person if I don't wait
                              Boundary violation
                              Forced acceptance of embrace
                              Manipulated into embrace
                  My Hope: the other person will desire my embrace

Step three:  Embracing arms - if he accepts my invitation, I gently embrace him
                Goal = reciprocity
                            If only one pair of arms embraces, it's not an embrace
                                               Mere invitation
                                               Taking into one's clutches
                            Reciprocity is
                                               Each entering the other's space
                                               Feeling the presence of the other in myself
                                               Making my own presence felt
                            Soft touch needed!
                                               Just right
                                                          Affirm uniqueness of the other person
                                                          Celebrate uniqueness of the other person
                                                          Preserve my own boundaries
                                               Too tight?
                                                                  Concealed power-act
                                                                  Crushing
                                                                  Perverted embrace
                                                                  Self-destructive

Step Four: Letting Go - after we embrace, we need to let go
                 Problems with NOT letting go!
                                   Not comfort, but control
                                   Not unity, but uniformity
                                   Extremes = the welded "we"
                                           Leading to codependency, when neither can let go
                                           Leading to totalitarianism, where one cannot let go and the other cannot escape

                 Positives
                                    Affirm uniqueness of each one
                                                Freedom
                                                Independence
                                                Possibility (but not guarantee!) of return

               
Part II - The grace of forgiveness looks like the "mutual conversation and consolation of the brethren" (after Luther)
The Smalcald Articles - Mutual conversation and consolation of the brethren
                  Mutual
                        These outcomes are likely If the grace of forgiveness is not mutual
                                                  Condemnation
                                                  Exclusion
                                                  Isolation
                        These outcomes are likely If the grace of forgiveness is mutual
                                                  Affirmation
                                                  Embrace
                                                  Community

                Conversation
                       These outcomes are likely if we engage in judgment rather than conversation
                                                  Condemnation
                                                  Exclusion
                                                  Isolation
                                  These outcomes are likely if we engage in conversation
                                                  Understanding
                                                  Affirmation
                                                  Embrace
                                                  Community

                Consolation
                                  These outcomes are likely if we fail to console one another
                                                  Breaking
                                                  Separation
                                                  Further wounding
                                                  Unforgiveness
                                                  Despair

                                These outcomes are likely if we practice consolation
                                                  Forgiveness
                                                  Healing
                                                  Reconciliation
                                                  Restoration
                                                  Hope

                Of the Brethren
                    If we fail to acknowledge that we are dealing with brothers and sisters, disaster awaits
                                                  Cain and Abel - death
                                                  Joseph's brothers - abandonment
                                                  Judas and Jesus - betrayal
                                                  The Prodigal Son's Elder Brother - resentment
                    But since we are dealing with brothers and sisters, we can assume that 
                                                  The Holy Spirit is the guarantee of our adoption
                                                  We are adopted children of God
                                                                  Baptism!
                                                  We are made His children by the blood of Jesus
                                                                 He does not call us servants, but friends
                                                                 Holy Communion!

 
In sum, forgiveness looks like the mutual conversation and consolation of the brethren enacted in loving embrace.  Since that is so, what else can be our motivation to confession than the desire to be received into that embrace by the One who is Love.  Since that is so, it also does not matter what confession looks, sounds or acts like - the offering of forgiveness and embrace is not dependent upon confession, but upon the realization that without forgiveness and embrace a damaged relationship will continue to be damaged.
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