JourneyTalk: Spiritual Fellowship Retreat 2011

Notes on Confession and Forgiveness

from the Spiritual Fellowship Retreat 2011 at Sugarcreek, Ohio with members of
St. John Lutheran Church, Massillon OH
Resurrection Lutheran Church, Malvern OH
St. Mark Lutheran Church, Steubenville OH
Christ the King Lutheran Church, Lodi OH

Retreat Opening Devotion

Pastor John Telloni, Saint John Lutheran Church, Massillon

Retreat Part 1: Confession and Forgiveness

Pastor Chris Cahill, Christ the King Lutheran Church, Lodi

Confession and forgiveness

   We usually start with What does confession look like?
                                Orally - what needs to be said?
                                Physically - what actions are expected?
   Socially - how do others respond?

   We might be better off starting with: What does forgiveness look like?
   See Miroslav Volf, Exclusion and Embrace
   See also Martin Luther, Smalcald Articles

Part I: The grace of forgiveness looks like embrace (after Volf)

The pattern of embrace
Step One: Opening arms. When I open my arms to another,
   I show I do not want to exclude them from my life
   I show that I desire to embrace them
   I create space for them to enter
   I create an opening in my life for them to enter
   I send an invitation
   If I do this gently, it is like a soft knock on the other's door

Step Two: Waiting arms. After I've opened my arms, I wait.
   For me, waiting includes
   Opening = Movement toward the other
   Halting at the other's boundary
   Postponed desire
   Power of waiting
   My Created Space
   My opened boundary
   My signaled desire
   Respect for the integrity of the other person
   Risks to me
   Non-acceptance
   Rejection
   Risks to the other person if I don't wait
   Boundary violation
   Forced acceptance of embrace
   Manipulated into embrace
   My Hope: the other person will desire my embrace

Step three: Embracing arms - if he accepts my invitation, I gently embrace him
   Goal = reciprocity
   If only one pair of arms embraces, it's not an embrace
   Mere invitation
   Taking into one's clutches
   Reciprocity is
   Each entering the other's space
   Feeling the presence of the other in myself
   Making my own presence felt
   Soft touch needed!
   Just right
Affirm uniqueness of the other person
Celebrate uniqueness of the other person
Preserve my own boundaries
   Too tight?
   Concealed power-act
   Crushing
   Perverted embrace
   Self-destructive

Step Four: Letting Go - after we embrace, we need to let go
   Problems with NOT letting go!
   Not comfort, but control
   Not unity, but uniformity
   Extremes = the welded "we"
Leading to codependency, when neither can let go
Leading to totalitarianism, where one cannot let go and the other cannot escape

   Positives
   Affirm uniqueness of each one
   Freedom
   Independence
   Possibility (but not guarantee!) of return


Part II - The grace of forgiveness looks like the "mutual conversation and consolation of the brethren" (after Luther)
The Smalcald Articles - Mutual conversation and consolation of the brethren
   Mutual
These outcomes are likely If the grace of forgiveness is not mutual
   Condemnation
   Exclusion
   Isolation
These outcomes are likely If the grace of forgiveness is mutual
   Affirmation
   Embrace
   Community

                Conversation
These outcomes are likely if we engage in judgment rather than conversation
   Condemnation
   Exclusion
   Isolation
   These outcomes are likely if we engage in conversation
   Understanding
   Affirmation
   Embrace
   Community

                Consolation
   These outcomes are likely if we fail to console one another
   Breaking
   Separation
   Further wounding
   Unforgiveness
   Despair

                                These outcomes are likely if we practice consolation
   Forgiveness
   Healing
   Reconciliation
   Restoration
   Hope

                Of the Brethren
If we fail to acknowledge that we are dealing with brothers and sisters, disaster awaits
   Cain and Abel - death
   Joseph's brothers - abandonment
   Judas and Jesus - betrayal
   The Prodigal Son's Elder Brother - resentment
But since we are dealing with brothers and sisters, we can assume that
   The Holy Spirit is the guarantee of our adoption
   We are adopted children of God
   Baptism!
   We are made His children by the blood of Jesus
He does not call us servants, but friends
Holy Communion!

In sum, forgiveness looks like the mutual conversation and consolation of the brethren enacted in loving embrace. Since that is so, what else can be our motivation to confession than the desire to be received into that embrace by the One who is Love. Since that is so, it also does not matter what confession looks, sounds or acts like - the offering of forgiveness and embrace is not dependent upon confession, but upon the realization that without forgiveness and embrace a damaged relationship will continue to be damaged.